Somehow a dog gets lost in an African Jungle.
As he is finding his way a lion spots him. The lion thinks since the dog is so small he will be easy prey.
When the dog sees the lion he gets extremely scared and starts to run but he sees some bones and gets an idea.
As the lion approaches, he says “Mmmm, that was some good lion.” The lion immediately realizes this dog is a lot tougher than he though and runs off.
But there was a monkey in a tree watching the whole time. The monkey decides if he tells the lion what had happened the lion might reward him. So he tells the lion and the lion tells him to come with him to take down the dog.
As the lion and monkey approach the dog, the dog sees them and gets an idea then turns his back towards them pretending he didn’t see them.
When they come into the hearing distance he says “Wheres that darn monkey? I told him to bring that lion here hours ago!”
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A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle.
“Can you imagine, a people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed, make it into paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?”
When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, “What I’ve been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast.”
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Three travelers — an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian — were circumnavigating the globe a la Jules Verne.
The Russian man put his hand out and reached down into the clouds.
“Aah, we’re right over my homeland!” he said.
“How can you tell?” asked the American.
“I can feel the cold air,” he replied.
A few days later, the African man put his hand through the clouds.
“Aah, we’re right over my homeland!” he said.
“How do you know that?” asked the Russian.
“I can feel the heat of the desert,” he replied.
Several more days later, the American put his hand through the clouds.
“Aah, we’re right over New York!”
The Russian and the African were amazed.
“How do you know all of that?” they asked.
The American pulled his hand in and held it up for them to see. “My watch is missing.”
