A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him, “I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.”
“But how do you know when you are going to land?” he was asked.
“I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground” he answered.
“But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?” he was again asked.
He quickly answered: “Oh, the dog’s leash goes slack.”
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There were five people aboard an airplane that was experiencing engine trouble and about to crash.
The problem? There were only four parachutes.
As everyone tried to figure out who should get the parachutes, the first person stood up and said, “I’m the smartest person to ever walk the Earth. The world cannot afford to lose me.” Without waiting for a response, he grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The second person said, “I’m a mother, and my family depends on me. I can’t let them down.” She quickly took a parachute and leapt out as well.
The third person declared, “I’m the head of my household and the sole breadwinner. My family’s survival depends on me.” With that, he grabbed a parachute and jumped too.
Now, only two people remained: a 65-year-old man and a 12-year-old boy.
The old man turned to the boy and said, “Son, I’ve lived a full life. You’re young and have your whole future ahead of you. You take the last parachute.”
The boy looked at him and smiled. “Don’t worry, Sir. There are still two parachutes left.”
The old man was puzzled. “How’s that possible?”
The boy chuckled and said, “Well, the guy who thought he was the smartest person on Earth? He grabbed my backpack.”
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There are two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua.
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”
They walk over to the restaurant, and the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed!”
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog.”
The bouncer says, “A Doberman Pinscher?”
He answers, “Yes, they’re using them now; they’re very good and protect me from robbers, too.”
The man at the door says, “Come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck!” He puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed!”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua says, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?”
