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Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Oh, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath,
“You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
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A woman takes her little boy to visit their dead relatives’ gravestones at a cemetery.
The little boy has never been to a cemetery before. The woman first takes her son her grandmother Annie’s gravestone.
The initials under Annie’s name say R.I.P. The little boy asks, “Mommy, what does R.I.P. stand for?”
His mother replies, “It stands for ‘Rest in Peace.’ That means we wish for Grandma Annie’s spirit to find peace in the afterlife.”
Then, they come across the gravestone of the woman’s uncle Joe. The little boy asks, “Mommy, what does R.I.H. stand for?”, pointing to the initials printed under Uncle Joe’s name.
“We really didn’t like Uncle Joe.” Said his mother.
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A group of 40-year-old buddies discusses where they should meet for dinner.
Finally, it is agreed upon that they should meet at the White Spot restaurant because the waitresses there have low-cut blouses and nice breasts.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again discusses where they should meet. Finally, it is agreed that they should meet at the White Spot because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good as well.
10 years later, at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally, it is agreed that they should meet at the White Spot because they can eat there in peace, and the restaurant is smoke-free.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again discusses where they should meet. Finally, it is agreed that they should meet at the White Spot because the restaurant is wheelchair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again discusses where they should meet. Finally, it is agreed that they should meet at the White Spot restaurant because that would be a great idea, as they have never been there before.
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An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, “I like both.”
“Both?”
Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”
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A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
However, no business was coming in. Sitting there, worrying, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wanting to look busy, he picked up the phone and pretended he was negotiating a big deal.
He spoke loudly about big figures and huge commitments. Finally, he put down the phone and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
The man said, “I’ve come to install the phone.”
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A businessman was standing at the end of the pier in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The businessman complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The fisherman replied that it only took a little while. The businessman then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish. The fisherman said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.
The businessman then asked: “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The fisherman said: “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends. I have a full and busy life.”
The businessman scoffed. “I am a Wharton MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The fisherman asked: “But how long will this all take?”
To which the businessman replied: “Fifteen or twenty years.”
“But what then?”
The businessman laughed and said: “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions”.
“Millions? Then what?”
The businessman said: “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your friends.”
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Joe and Bob are discussing the possibility of love.
“I thought I was in love three times,” Joe says.
“Thought…?” Bob asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Joe says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Bob asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Joe explains.
“Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Bob.
“No, that was lust,” Joe replies.
“And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Bob.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Joe replies.
