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An attorney telephoned the Governor’s mansion just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him, regarding a matter of utmost urgency.
An aide eventually agreed to wake up the Governor.
“So, what is it?” grumbled the Governor.
“Judge Garber has just died,” said the attorney, “and I want to take his place.”
The Governor replied: “Well, it’s OK with me, if it’s OK with the undertaker.”
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A famous inspirational speaker said:
“Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife.”
The audience was in shock and silence.
He added: “She was my mother.” (A big round of applause & laughter)
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.
After dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen: “Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife.”
Standing for a moment, trying to recall the second line of that speaker…
.
.
.
By the time he regained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns from boiling water!
Moral: Don’t Copy, if you can’t Paste.
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Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt.
Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it.”
The next day, the pastor was over at Emily’s family’s house for lunch.
He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, “That’s because it’s empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it.”
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Paddy, suffering from a severe toothache, finally got up enough nerve to visit his dentist, but lost it again when he was about to get into the chair.
The dentist told his assistant to give Paddy a shot of whiskey kept on hand for just such circumstances as this.
“Ye got your courage back now?” the dentist asked.
“No!” replied Paddy.
So a second shot was brought, then a third.
“Now have ye got your courage?” asked the dentist.
“You’re damn right!” Paddy said, squaring his shoulders. “I’d like to see the bastard who’d dare to touch my teeth now!”
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A girl came back home from school and asked her grandmother, “Granny, what is a lover?”
“A lover!!” the grandmother said. “Let me think. Lov… Lover… Oh, my God!”
She rushed to the wall, pulled aside the hanging rug, revealing a hidden closet door.
She unlocked the door, and a skeleton of a young man fell out of the closet.
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Six-year-old Pappu came downstairs crying loudly.
“What’s the matter?” asked his mother.
“Papa was hanging pictures, and he just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said Pappu.
“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. A big man like you shouldn’t cry at a trifle like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?”
“I did,” sobbed Pappu.
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Emily fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic after hours.
But one day the dentist said sadly, “Emily, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband’s bound to get suspicious.”
“No way, sweetie, he’s dumb as a post,” she assured him. “Besides, we’ve been seeing each other for six months now and he doesn’t suspect a thing.”
“True,” agreed the dentist, “but you’re down to one tooth!”
