A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils’ answer by reciting a short poem.
The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher’s pet.
He stood and said, “My name is Dan, and when I become amen, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can.”
The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room.
She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, “My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think I can.”
The next on the list was Little Johnny, sitting in the back of the room.
He stood up and said, “My name is Johnny, and I don’t give a damn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think I can!”
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Not Easy To Be A Teacher
Teacher: Construct a sentence using the word sugar.
Pupil: I drank tea this morning.
Teacher: Where is the word sugar.
Pupil: It is already in the tea…!!!
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TEACHER: Our topic for today is Photosynthesis.
TEACHER: Class, what is photosynthesis?
Student: Photosynthesis is our topic today.
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TEACHER: John is climbing a tree to pick some mangoes. (Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
Student: Mangoes, John is coming to pick you…
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TEACHER: What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
Student: We don’t call them, they come on their own…
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TEACHER: Name the nation, people hate most.
Student: Exami-nation…
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TEACHER: How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home…
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TEACHER: One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that??
Student: Future impossible tense…
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Jay reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on.
Jay replies, “I’m rechecking my answers and I don’t think I did very good.”
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An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one-question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk, and wrote on the board:
“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.” Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled furiously. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour, attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class, however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
A week later, when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an “A” when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”
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A blonde walked into the pet store and, after looking up and down the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help.
“I’d like a box of birdseed,” said the lady.
“For which kind of bird?” he asked helpfully.
“Oh, I dunno,” she replied. “Whichever will grow the fastest…”
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The new librarian decided that instead of checking out children’s books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names.
She would then tell them they were signing a “Contract” for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out.
The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, “That other librarian we had could write.”
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The minister, decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said ‘Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach.
Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind’ the pastor shouted out ‘CROSS.’
Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, ‘THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.’
The pastor hollered out ‘GRACE.’ The congregation began to sing ‘AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.’
The pastor said ‘POWER.’ The congregation sang ‘THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD.’
The Pastor said ‘S*X’ The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing ‘MEMORIES.’
