Joe and Bob are sitting in the bar at the LA International Airport.
“I’ve come to meet my brother,” said Joe. “He’s due to fly in from Canada in an hour. It’s his first trip home in forty years.”
“Will you be able to recognize him?” asked Bob.
“I’m sure I won’t,” said Joe, “after all, he’s been away for a long time.”
“I wonder if he’ll recognize you?” said Bob.
“Of course he will,” said Joe. “Sure, I haven’t been away at all.”
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On a visit to my wife’s native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London’s Gatwick Airport.
Tania headed for the British-passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners’ line.
When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit.
“Pleasure,” I replied. “I’m on my honeymoon.”
The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other.
“That’s very interesting, sir,” he said as he stamped my passport. “Most men bring their wives with them.”
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Once Bob and Billy got duty at the airport for the assistance to the foregin tourists.
One traveler asked Billy in Spanish, “Where can I find the city bus to downtown?”, but Billy could not answer since he did knew the language.
The traveller repeated the same question in French, German, Japnese, and Russian but Billy couldn`t answer because he didn`t know any of the languages.
Bob asks Billy, “I asked you to learn at least one foreign language and it will help you one day.”
Billy said, “That man learned five languages and couldn`t serve any purpose, then how one language to me would have served any purpose.”
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Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.
“Sure you can, Mickey,” Charlie said, “Just flap your arms really really hard.”
So Mickey climbed up on the window sill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground just a few inches below.
Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, “What the heck happened?!?”
Charlie said, “I was just teaching Mickey not to believe everything someone tells him.”
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An Uber is cruising down a boulevard when it runs a red light.
“Hey!” the passenger shouts. “Be careful!”
“Don’t worry,” says the driver. “My brother does it all the time.”
He barrels through the next red light, and the passenger screams, “Stop doing that!”
“I’m telling you, my brother does this all the time.”
They approach the next light. Just when it turns green, the driver slams on the brakes. The confused passenger asks, “You just ran two red lights; why’d you stop at a green?”
“I had to,” says the driver. “My brother might have been coming.”
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A middle-aged woman has a heart a.ttack and is taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she has a near-d.eath experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.
She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k. lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”
“Oh, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”
