A picky customer comes to a small food shop and sees a new delivery of fresh fruit.
“Give me three dozens of oranges and wrap every orange up in a separate piece of paper, please,” he says to the saleswoman.
She does.
“And three dozens of cherries, please, and wrap up every one in a separate piece of paper, too.” She does.
“And what is that there,” he asks pointing out a bushel in the corner.
“Grapes,” says the saleswoman, “but they are not for sale!”
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As a restaurant owner, I hired a pianist and a harpist to entertain my customers.
After several performances, I discovered that the pianist had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified the police, who arrested her.
Desperate for another pianist, I called a friend who knew some musicians.
“What happened to the pianist you had?” he asked me.
“I had her arrested,” I replied. We said goodbye and hung up.
A few minutes later, my friend called back and asked, “How badly did she play?”
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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Walmart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies.
“Put them back, we can’t afford them,” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, “So does 24 cans of Budweiser, and it’s half the price.”
He never knew what hit him.
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An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: “Butter – 10 Francs”
In response, the lady added a sign to her own window: “Butter – 9 Francs”
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: “Butter – 8 Francs”
Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read: “7 Franc.”
This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said, “Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered, “Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”
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Husband and wife went shopping to get new dresses for the wife.
After seeing numerous dresses, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25. Out of these, she asked her husband to choose 5 dresses among them. Then she finally picked up one dress. It took 5 hours to finalise one dress.
The husband settled the bill and commented, “Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.”
Ultimate comment of wife, “Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky… you have to just sit in AC shop…”
Moral: Never argue with a woman while shopping.
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A woman is being hounded by her family to put up Christmas decorations, so she heads to the local store in search of Christmas lights.
Upon arrival, the store assistant shows the woman the top brand of Christmas lights.
“These are our top selling Christmas lights this year,” he tells her.
“That’s great, but I need to make sure every light bulb works before I make a purchase,” she demands. “Please plug them in so I can see.”
The store assistant opens the box, untangles the lights and plugs them in. To the customer’s delight, every colourful bulb lights up.
The man behind the counter unplugs the lights and carefully places them back in the box. He then goes to scan the item before the lady starts kicking off.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” she says. “I don’t want this box. I want one that hasn’t been opened.”
