Bob and his wife, Mary, were living on a farm up in the hills.
One day, Bob found that the hole under the outhouse was full. He tells Mary that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Mary says, “Why don’t you go ask Joe down the road?”
So, Bob goes down to Joe’s house and asks him, “My outhouse hole is full, and I don’t know what to do to empty it.”
Joe tells him, “Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it’s in the air, the second one will then go off and spread the shit all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole.”
Bob thanks him, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Mary comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite, shooting the outhouse into the air.
BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite, spreading shit all over the farm.
WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.
Bob races to the outhouse, throws open the door, and asks, “Mary, are you all right?”
As she pulls herself up, she says, “Yeah, but I’m sure glad I didn’t fart in the kitchen.”
==============================================
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of manure.
A little boy, Pappu, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your truck?”
“Manure,” the farmer replied.
“What are you going to do with it?” asked Pappu.
“Put it on strawberries,” answered the farmer.
“You ought to live here,” Pappu advised him. “We put sugar and cream on ours.”
==============================================
An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years.
He had a huge man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area. For years, it was the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get-together. As the farmer grew older, his “Oasis” was used less and less. It eventually became the local swimming hole, and while his neighbors occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an appearance.
One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond. He hadn’t been there in a while and felt the urge to pay a visit to check on things. As he neared the pond, he heard loud playful voices giggling and laughing. As he came closer, he was astonished to see that a bunch of young women had decided to sk1nny d1p in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man replied, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”
==============================================
There was a farmer who grew watermelons.
He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign, which read: “Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.”
The kids run off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer’s sign.
When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read: “Now there are two!!!”
==============================================
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
==============================================
Camper: “Look at that bunch of cows.”
Farmer: “Not bunch, herd.”
Camper: “Heard what?”
Farmer: “Of cows.”
Camper: “Sure I’ve heard of cows.”
Farmer: “No, I mean a cowherd.”
Camper: “So what? I have no secrets from cows.”
