A union leader was addressing the workers at a union meeting…
“I am pleased to announce that we have agreed on a new deal with the management. We will no longer work four days a week.”
“Hooray!” the crowd yelled.
“We will finish work at 4 PM, not 5 PM.”
“Hooray!” the crowd yelled again.
“We will start work at 10 AM, not 9 AM.”
“Hooray!”
“We have a 110% pay increase.”
“Hooray!”
“We will only work on Tuesdays.”
Suddenly, the crowd fell silent until a voice from the back asked, “Every Tuesday?”
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Sally goes to work one morning, crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned for his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?”
The blonde replies, “Early this morning, I got a phone call that my mother had passed away.”
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, suggests to the young girl, “Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax.”
Sally very calmly states, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy, and I have the best chance of doing that here.”
The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual.
“If you need anything, just let me know,” says the boss.
A few hours pass, and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out of his office and sees her crying hysterically.
He rushes over and asks, “What’s the matter now? Are you going to be ok?”
Sally breaks down in tears, “I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom di3d too!!”
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My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.He said with excitement, “You appear quite elderly to be driving.”
“Well, yes, I am,” she replied proudly. “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough, that I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore.”
He asked “How do you know?”
“The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s license. I told him, yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, ‘You won’t need this anymore.’ So I thanked him and left!”
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Harry was stunned to come home from work one evening and find his wife stuffing all her belongings into a suitcase.
“What on earth are you doing?” he cried.
“I can’t stand it anymore!” she shrieked. “Thirty-two years we’ve been married, and all we do is bicker and quarrel and ignore each other. I’m leaving!”
Harry watched his wife close the suitcase, lug it down the stairs, and proceed to walk out of the house… out of his life.
Suddenly, he was galvanized into action. Running into the bedroom and grabbing a second suitcase, he yelled back at his wife, “Sylvia, you’re right, you’re absolutely right, and I can’t bear it either. Wait a minute, and I’ll go with you.”
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A young man was a very slow worker and subsequently found it difficult to hold down a job.
After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo.
When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section. Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.
“Where are the tortoises?” he asked.
“I can’t believe it,” said the new employee, “I just opened the door and whoosh, they were gone!”
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Daniel and Jack are at work, digging a hole.
Jack asks Daniel other, “Why is that guy up there sitting under the tree while we do all the work?”
Daniel said that he doesn`t know, so he goes up and asks him why.
The guy under the tree says, “Because I have intelligence.”
Daniel says, “What`s that?”
So the guy under the tree stands up and says, “Punch me as hard as you can.”
Daniel winds up and punches him, but the intelligent guy moves away and the digger punches the tree. His hand is now killing him.
Daniel says, “Oh, I think I know what it is now.”
He goes back down to Jack.
Jack asks, “So why are we doing all the work?”
Daniel replies, “Because he has intelligence.”
Jack says, “What`s that?”
Daniel looks around for a tree, but doesn`t see one, so he puts his hand in front of his face and says, “Punch my hand as hard as you can.”
