A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password.
No, it’s not the usual caps-lock problem.
“The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” she says.
“Those asterisks are to protect you,” the Help Desk technician explains, “so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read your password.”
“Yeah,” she says, “but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.”
===========================================
A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested,
“I’m looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?”
The matchmaker said, “What exactly are you looking for?”
“Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, and good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”
The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the result to the woman.
The result read, “Buy a television.”
===========================================
Jay was having trouble with his computer.
So he called the computer guy, over to his desk.
He clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, Jay called after him, “So, what was wrong?”
He replied, “It was an “ID ten T” error.”
A puzzled expression ran over Jay`s face. “An “ID ten T” error? What`s that?.. in case I need to fix it again.”
“Haven`t you ever heard of an “ID ten T” error before?”
“No,” replied Jay.
“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you`ll figure it out.”
He wrote….. I D 1 0 T
===========================================
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.
They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering.
Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.
“Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”
God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”
===========================================
An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years.
He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail.
He explains the problem: “Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can’t plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father.”
The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: “Beloved Father, please don’t touch the garden. It’s there that I have hidden ‘the THING’. I love you, too, Ahmed”
At 4pm the US Army, the Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can’t find anything. Disappointed they leave the house.
A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. “Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That’s all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed.”
===========================================
One summer evening,
a three year-old came in while his parents were setting the table for supper.
Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help.
His mother said, “No, but I appreciate your asking.”
The child responded, “Well, I appreciate your saying no.”
