There once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children.
After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest.
“My children,” the priest began, “The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I’m visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you.”
“Thank you, Father, thank you!” said the couple.
Before leaving, the priest turned and said, “I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time–15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to visit you.”
And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.
While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their home, and upon arriving at the residence of the couple who’d sought his counsel years earlier, he rang the doorbell.
Sounds of crying and screaming children filled the air! Overjoyed by the thought that their prayers had been answered, he entered the house. More than a DOZEN children filled the house from top to bottom! In the midst of all the chaos stood the wife.
“My dear,” the priest said, “your prayers have been answered! And where is your husband? I wish to congratulate him, too, on your miracle!”
“He just left for Rome,” she said in a very desperate tone.
“Rome? Why did he go to Rome?” asked the priest.
“To blow out that candle you lit!”
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A priest decides one mid weekday to visit one of his elderly parishioners, Mrs. Smith.
He rings the door bell and Mrs. Smith appears.
“Good Day Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how your are doing.”
The woman says, “Oh just fine Father, come on in and we`ll have some tea.”
While sitting a the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. “Mind if I have one?”, the priest says.
“Not at all, have as many as you like”.
After a few hours the priest looks at his watch and alarmed at how long he has been visting says to Mrs Smith, “Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh dear, I`ve eaten all your almonds. I`ll have to replace them next time I visit.”
To which Mrs Smith replied, “Oh don`t bother, Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it`s all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them.”
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A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one very hot day.
They were sweating profusely by the time they came upon a small lake with a sandy beach. Since it was a secluded spot, they left all their clothes on a big log, ran down the beach to the lake and jumped in the water for a long, refreshing swim.
Refreshed, they were halfway back up the beach to the spot they’d left their clothes, when a group of ladies from town came along.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover in the bushes.
After the ladies wandered on and the men got dressed again, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, “I don’t know about you, but in my congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic primary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, “Hey, we can take all we want. God is watching the apples.”
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Children of now a days are so spoilt that they don’t even know that in our days you could be beaten for any of the following reasons:
1. Crying after being beaten.
2. Not crying after being beaten.
3. Crying without being beaten.
4. Standing while the elders were seated.
5. Sitting while the elders were standing.
6. Walking around aimlessly where the elders were seated.
7. Replying back to an elder.
8. Not replying back to an elder.
9. Spending too much time without being beaten.
10. Singing after being admonished.
11. Not greeting visitors.
12. Eating food prepared for the visitors.
13. Crying to go with the visitors when the visitors were leaving.
14. Refusing to eat.
15. Coming back home after sunset.
16. Eating at the neighbour’s home.
17. Generally being moody.
18. Generally being too excited.
19. Fighting with your age mate and losing.
20. Fighting with your age mate and winning.
21. Eating too slowly.
22. Eating too quickly.
23. Eating too much.
24. Sleeping while the elders had already woken up.
25. Looking at the visitors while they were eating.
26.Stumbling and falling when walking.
27. Looking at an elder eye ball to eye ball.
28. When an elder was talking to you and you blinked your eye.
29. When an elder was talking to you and you stirred without blinking.
30. When you looked at an elder with a corner eye.
31. When your mates were playing Street football and you joined them to play.
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Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying.
“Why are you crying?” asked the other child.
“I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger.”
When he heard this, the other child started to cry.
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m here for a urine test.”
