A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Park and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.
“Tch Tch!” said the passer-by to himself. “What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I’ll see if I can help.”
So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, “What are you doing, my friend?”
“Fishing, sir.”
“Fishing, eh? Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?”
The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, “Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?”
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, “You are the fourth today, sir!”
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Murphy and his wife went for a stroll in the park.
They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile.
Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby.
Suddenly, Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose.
Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, “Whistle, to let that young couple know that someone can hear them.”
To which Murphy replies, “Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me!”
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Had It All.
This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man.
I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.
He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? A-l.c.ohol? Divorce?”
“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “I was released from prison.”
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Joe and Bob were both fanatics about deep-sea fishing.
Each would come back from fishing trips and tell the other big lies about the number and sizes of the fish they caught.
So Bob comes back from his latest fishing trip, and tells Joe…
“You wouldn’t believe, but in the Bahamas I caught a 500-pound herring.”
Joe says….” That’s nothing, last time I fished in the Bahamas, I pulled up an old lantern from a sunken American ship…. and the candle was still burning !”
They both looked at each other, knowing that the other was lying.
Finally, Joe said to Bob, “Look, Bob, if you take 450 pounds from off your herring…. I’ll blow out my candle!”
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Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip.
Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go this time because his wife wouldn’t let him.
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.
The following week when Steve’s buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
“How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?”
“I didn’t have to,” Steve replied.
“Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn’t go fishing. Then my lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, ‘Surprise’.
When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,’ So, Here I am!”
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Two old friends went on a fishing trip and used the time away from home to complain about their wives.
“Tell me something,” one of them asked, “how come every year I forget my wedding anniversary, but my wife always remembers—and then gets mad at me?”
“That’s actually very easy to explain,” the other replied. “Remember that summer before you got married? We went on a trip, and you caught the biggest fish of your life?”
“Of course I do!” said the first. “How could I ever forget landing a catch like that?”
“Well,” said his friend, “just like in your case—trust me—the fish doesn’t remember a thing!”
