A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.
As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the post office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure, just go straight down the street a couple of blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town, and I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a chuckle, “Awww, come on; you don’t even know the way to the post office!”
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While working on a message the pastor heard a knock at his office door.
“Come in,” he invited.
A contrite-looking man in threadbare clothes came in, pulling a goat on a rope, “Can I talk to you for a minute?” asked the man with his hat in his hand.
Wordlessly, the pastor indicated the chair and the man sat down in it gingerly. The goat proceeded to sniff around the office.
With one eye on the animal and one on the man, the pastor folded his hands on his desk and leaned forward, curious to hear the fellow’s story, “What can I do for you?”
“My family is hungry,” started the man. “So I stole this goat. But I feel that I have sinned. Would you please take it?”
“Certainly not,” said the minister.
“Then what should I do with it?” asked the man.
“Give it back to the man you stole it from, of course!” the pastor explained.
“I offered it to him, but he refused to take it. Now what should I do?”
“In that case,” the minister said, “It would be all right for you to keep it and feed your family.”
That seemed to settle things as far as the man was concerned.
“Thank you for your help, sir.”
With a lighter step, he walked out of the office, leading the goat on the rope behind him.
Later that afternoon when the minister returned home, he said to his wife as he walked in, “I have got a story to tell you.”
“I have something to tell you first,” she exclaimed. “Someone has stolen your goat!”
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An old man, a boy, and a donkey were travelling.
The boy rode the donkey while the man walked.
In the first town they went to, the people all said, “How hard for that old man who has to walk!”
The two travelers heard this and decided that the boy should walk and the old man should ride.
In the next town, people whispered, “What a shame, he makes the little boy walk!”
So the pair decided that they should both ride.
In the third town, people all muttered about how cruel it was to make the donkey work so hard.
So the boy and the old man decided to carry the donkey.
On the way to the next town, they had to go across a bridge. As they walked across it, they slipped and the donkey fell in to the river and drowned.
The moral of the story is – If you try to please everyone, you will eventually end up losing your ass.
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There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft.
Curious about its depth, they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing.
They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing.
They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole.
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them.
The man replied, “Oh, no! That couldn’t be my goat. Mine was tied to a railroad tie.”
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A pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor’s family expanded; so would his paycheck….
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor’s expanding salary….
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost….
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, “Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.”…
Silence fell over the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, “Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”
The entire congregation said, “Amen”
