A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight-knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked.
Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door.
Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, “Is that for sale?”
“Of course not!” she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.
Unchanged, he replied quietly, “Then, I suggest you quit advertising it.”
===============================================
A husband and wife are having a friendly debate one night, centered on the topic of who has better friends.
They each offer a wide variety of anecdotes and stories, but in the end, they decide to put it to the test.
“Here’s what we’ll do,” the wife suggests. “I’ll call your friends, and you call mine. We’ll both pretend that the other person hasn’t come home yet, and that we’re worried. Whoever’s friends give the best advice about where to find us clearly know us better, and therefore are better.”
The husband agrees to the game, and they both head off into separate rooms. When they reconvene a half an hour later, the husband looks defeated.
“Well, honey,” he says, “I think it’s pretty clear that you have better friends. Every one of them listed each of your favorite restaurants, salons, shops, and art galleries, and they had phone numbers for each of them. They knew your work hours by heart, your office extension, your boss’s name, and even the route that you take home.”
The wife shakes her head. “No, dear,” she replies, “you have better friends.”
“Why do you say that?” asks the husband.
“Well,” the wife replies, “most of them said that you’d been at their place, and three of them said that you were still there.”
===============================================
Wife: “Honey let’s play a game?”
Husband: “Ok, what is the game all about?”
Wife: “If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month.”
Husband: “Ok and if you fail, I will have your salary too right?”
Wife: (smile) “Yes darling.”
Husband: “Ok” (stood up and was ready to run to any direction)
Wife: “Are u ready?”
Husband: “Yes, ready.”
Wife: “Turkey”
It has been 4 hours now the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird.
===============================================
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stops by his office.
As she walks in unannounced, she finds his secretary sitting on his lap.
Without hesitating, he begins to dictated a letter:
“And in conclusion gentlemen, budget cut or not, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”
===============================================
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any other two-letter word, and that is “UP.”
It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we waken in the morning, why do we wake UP. At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends, we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special, and this is confusing. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP. To be knowledgeable of the proper uses of UP, look UP the word in the dictionary. In a desk size dictionary, UP takes UP almost 1/4th the page and definitions add UP to about thirty.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn’t rain for a while, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so I’ll shut UP.
