An Army major was conducting a field test when communications went dead, just when headquarters initiated a call to him.
Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station.
When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major’s hand.
“Don’t congratulate me, sir,” he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. “It was all the sergeant’s doing.”
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. “Congratulations,” he said. “The major’s wife just had a baby girl.”
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Three Soldiers had just gotten out of the Army and decided to celebrate by taking a helicopter ride.
One of the soldiers is eating a banana and says, “I wonder if we’d be able to see it land, if I threw the peel out?” Out goes the peel and they all watch it but don’t see it land.
One of the others has a rock and says “This is bigger, we should be able to see it land.” They all watch, but don’t see it land.
The last one takes a grenade out of his pocket, pulls the pin and tosses it out of the door.
“We’ll see that when it hits.” They watch, but still nothing.
Walking home they see a little girl crying and they ask, what’s wrong?
“Well I was walking and slipped on a banana peel that came from nowhere.”
The soldiers explain what happened and are helping the girl home when they see a little boy sitting on the side of the road holding his head. They ask what happened?
“I was walking when a rock hit me on the head.”
They tell the story again and start to wonder what happened to the grenade.
One of them races ahead and sees an old lady laughing hysterically. He asks what’s so funny?
The old lady says, “I just farted and my house blew up!!”
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A group of army officers was sent to another town for a training camp.
Before leaving, the rest of them decided to pull a fast one on one of the officers. They put a pack of condoms in his bag without him noticing it.
When he got home, his wife unpacked the bag and found condoms.
When confronted, he realized the joke and said, “We all got it as a gift. I didn’t use mine… others did.”
For the last 2 weeks, the whole cantonment is in turmoil….. Other wives are demanding details.
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A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear.
Since he wasn’t physically impaired, he remained in the Navy and eventually became an Admiral. During his career, he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day, the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type, and it was a great interview.
At the end of the interview, the Admiral asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?”
The Master Chief answered, “I couldn’t help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don’t know whether this impacts your hearing on that side.”
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, “Well, yes, you seem to be short one ear.”
The Admiral threw him out, also.
The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral went ahead with the same question.
“Do you notice anything different about me?”
To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, “Yes, sir, you wear contact lenses.”
The Admiral, impressed, thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. “And how do you know that?” the Admiral asked.
The Sergeant Major replied, “Well, sir, it’s pretty hard to wear glasses with only one ear.”
