Billy and Joe were talking one afternoon.
Billy tells Joe, “You know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation.”
He continues, “Only this year I’m gonna do it a little differently. In the last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago, you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii, and Eva got pregnant.”
“Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Eva got pregnant again.”
“Last year you suggested Tahiti, and darned if Eva didn’t get pregnant again.”
Joe asks Billy, “So, what are you gonna do this year that’s different?”
Billy says, “This year I’m taking Eva with me.”
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A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.
One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she treated herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.
She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village, and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store: Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman’s heart skipped a beat as her eyes matched those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously, and the star-struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! She chideD herself. You’re a happily married woman with three children; you’re forty-five years old, not a teenager!
The clerk filled her order, and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even glancing in Paul Newman’s direction.
When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change, but her other hand was empty. Where’s my ice cream cone? I wonder if I left it in the store? Back into the shop, she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk’s hand or in a holder on the counter or something! No ice cream cone was in sight.
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar, warm, friendly grin, and he said to the woman,
“You put it in your purse.”
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A lady lost her purse in a bustling department store.
She searched everywhere she had visited, but just couldn’t find it.
Finally, a little boy approached her and asked, “Ma’am, is this your purse?”
Jubilantly, she grabbed the purse and cried, “Yes! Yes, it is! Thank you so much!”
Then she looked inside and was suddenly confused. “But how strange… when I lost it, I had only a hundred dollar bill, but now I have five twenties!”
The boy replied, “That’s because the last time I returned a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward!”
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Two old friends went on a fishing trip and used the time away from home to complain about their wives.
“Tell me something,” one of them asked, “how come every year I forget my wedding anniversary, but my wife always remembers—and then gets mad at me?”
“That’s actually very easy to explain,” the other replied. “Remember that summer before you got married? We went on a trip, and you caught the biggest fish of your life?”
“Of course I do!” said the first. “How could I ever forget landing a catch like that?”
“Well,” said his friend, “just like in your case—trust me—the fish doesn’t remember a thing!”
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Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip.
Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn’t go this time because his wife wouldn’t let him.
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.
The following week when Steve’s buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
“How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?”
“I didn’t have to,” Steve replied.
“Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn’t go fishing. Then my lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, ‘Surprise’.
When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,’ So, Here I am!”
