Bob and Mary got married.
Bob thought this would be a modern marriage, which meant equal roles for equal partners.
So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Bob brought Mary breakfast in bed.
Mary wasn’t impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray and snorted, “A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!”
Undaunted, the next morning, Bob brought his true love a scrambled egg.
Mary wasn’t having any of it. “Don’t you think I like variety? I wanted to poach this morning!”
Determined to please his wife, the next morning, he brought his true love two eggs – one scrambled and one poached.
“Here, my love… enjoy!”
Mary was furious, “You idiot, you scrambled the wrong egg!”
============================================
A married man was visiting his mistress when she requested that he shave his beard.
“Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she’d k*ll me!”
“Oh, please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.
“Oh, really, I can’t,” he replies. “My wife loves this beard!”
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night, James crawls into bed with his wife while she’s sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, “Oh, Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon.”
============================================
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’“ and he left.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven?
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground.
“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple. “Oh, come on!,” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”
============================================
One man shared this advice on how he was able to make through 50 years of marriage:
At Saint Mary’s Catholic Church they have a weekly husband’s marriage seminar.
At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, “Well, I’ve tried to treat her nizza, spend money on her, but best of all is that I took her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!”
The Priest responded, “Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.”
Luigi proudly replied, “I’m gonna go get her.”
============================================
The elephantine memory
A man visits India and meets an old man at the Town Square who is renowned for his elephantine memory.
He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back.
“Eggs,” replies the old man.
The man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away.
Ten years later, he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, “How?”
The old man takes one look at his face and replies, “Scrambled.”
