A man arrives at the theater to see the latest production only to learn that it is completely sold out.
He finds an usher and pleads with him, “You must help me, I am a huge theater fan. I’ve been to every opening night performance at this theater for twenty years. I can’t bear to miss this play, is there any possible way you can find me a seat?”
The usher says he’ll see what he can do.
A few minutes later, the usher returns and tells the man he has found him a vacant seat. He leads him inside the theater to be seated.
A few moments later, the man is waving for the usher again.
He whispers to the usher, “This play is a mystery, and I love mysteries. But I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I’ll give you a handsome tip.”
The usher manages once again to find the man a seat, this time in the second row. As he sits, the man hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks at the quarter, leans over, and whispers, “The wife did it.”
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There was a farmer who grew watermelons.
He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the kids show up and they saw the sign, which read: “Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.”
The kids run off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer’s sign.
When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read: “Now there are two!!!”
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A businessman was standing at the end of the pier in a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The businessman complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The fisherman replied that it only took a little while. The businessman then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish. The fisherman said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.
The businessman then asked: “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The fisherman said: “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my friends. I have a full and busy life.”
The businessman scoffed. “I am a Wharton MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats. Eventually, you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA, and eventually NYC, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The fisherman asked: “But how long will this all take?”
To which the businessman replied: “Fifteen or twenty years.”
“But what then?”
The businessman laughed and said: “That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions”.
“Millions? Then what?”
The businessman said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your friends.”
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A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made, and everything picked up.
Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad.” With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands…
“Dear Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we would be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that Marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the drugs we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for A.I.D.S so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don’t worry, Dad. I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home.”
