A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for Easter dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family, and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman’s chair, and said in a rather stern voice, “Skippy!”
The woman thought, “This is great!” and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrriiip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, “Dammit, Skippy!”
Once again, the woman smiled and thought, “Yes!”
A few minutes later, the woman had to let another rip. This time, she didn’t even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, “Dammit, Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!”
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Somehow, a dog gets lost in an African Jungle.
As he is finding his way, a lion spots him. The lion thinks that since the dog is so small, he will be easy prey.
When the dog sees the lion, he gets extremely scared and starts to run but he sees some bones and gets an idea.
As the lion approaches, he says, “Mmmm, that was some good lion.” The lion immediately realizes this dog is a lot tougher than he thought and runs off.
But there was a monkey in a tree watching the whole time. The monkey decides that if he tells the lion what had happened, the lion might reward him. So he tells the lion, and the lion tells him to come with him to take down the dog.
As the lion and monkey approach the dog, the dog sees them and gets an idea, then turns his back towards them, pretending he didn’t see them.
When they come into the hearing distance, he says, “Where’s that darn monkey? I told him to bring that lion here hours ago!”
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A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner.
The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount. The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street. Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell.
When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard.
Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells “This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!”
The owner replies, “I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys”.
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A girl took her dog to the parlor for a haircut,
and asked what it would cost.
Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged.
“I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!”
The groomer replied, “That may be true. But then you don’t bite, do you?”
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There are two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua.
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.”
They walk over to the restaurant, and the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
The bouncer at the door says, “Sorry, mac, no pets allowed!”
The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog.”
The bouncer says, “A Doberman Pinscher?”
He answers, “Yes, they’re using them now; they’re very good and protect me from robbers, too.”
The man at the door says, “Come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, “What the heck!” He puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
Once again the bouncer says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed!”
The guy with the Chihuahua says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer at the door says, “A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua says, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?”
