An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, “I like both.”
“Both?”
Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”
==============================================
A married man was visiting his mistress when she requested that he shave his beard.
“Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she’d k*ll me!”
“Oh, please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.
“Oh, really, I can’t,” he replies. “My wife loves this beard!”
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night, James crawls into bed with his wife while she’s sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, “Oh, Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon.”
==============================================
Wife was in the ICU.
The husband was unable to control his tears.
Doctor: “We are trying our best but can’t guarantee anything. Her body is not reacting. It seems she is in a coma.”
Husband: “Doctor, please save her. She is just 30 years old and the family needs her.”
Suddenly something happened. Miraculously the ECG started beeping like crazy.
A hand moved, her lips mumbled and she spoke, “Darling, I’m 29, not 30…”
==============================================
Husband and wife went shopping to get new dresses for the wife.
After seeing numerous dresses, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25. Out of these, she asked her husband to choose 5 dresses among them. Then she finally picked up one dress. It took 5 hours to finalise one dress.
The husband settled the bill and commented, “Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.”
Ultimate comment of wife, “Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky… you have to just sit in AC shop…”
Moral: Never argue with a woman while shopping.
==============================================
Wife texts her Husband who is at work:
Hey bring home a loaf of bread. Oh, and your girlfriend Elizabeth says ‘hello’.
Husband: Who’s Elizabeth?
Wife: Nobody, just wanted to make sure you got my text.
Husband: Dang, I’m with Elizabeth now, I thought you caught us!
Wife: What!? Where are you!?
Husband: I’m at the bakery, why?
Wife: I’ll be right there! (5 minutes later) Where are you?
Husband: I’m at work. Where are you?
Wife: I’m at the bakery!
Husband: Don’t forget the bread.
==============================================
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to yuck it up and he soon forgot about his wife’s party.
It was well past 10 when he remembered. “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!”
He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!!”
