There was a blonde who lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue.
She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.
In a panic, she called 911.
They answered and said, “This is Joe. Is there an emergency?”
The blonde replied, “Yes, my shed is on fire!!!”
Joe said, “Don’t panic, help is on the way…where do you live?”
The blonde said, “IN A HOUSE, NOW HURRY!!”
Joe calmly responded, “How are we supposed to get there?”
The blonde answered back, “DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!”
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I’m sure you’ve all heard about the traveling salesman whose car became disabled in the middle of nowhere.
It took him several hours to make it to the nearest farm house, he finally reached their front door and knocked on it.
A grizzled old farmer answered, and the salesman pleaded for a place to spend the night.
“Why sure young fella, I can give you a place to bunk.” said the hospitable old man. “But I ain’t got no daughter for you to sleep with, like you always hear about them in jokes.”
“Oh !” said the salesman. Then thinking a moment or two he asked, “How far is it to the next farmhouse?”
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It so happened that once a rich merchant’s house was robbed.
The merchant suspected that the thief was one of his servants. So he went to Birbal and mentioned the incident. Birbal went to his house and assembled all of his servants and asked that who stole the merchant’s things. Everybody denied.
Birbal thought for a moment, then gave a stick of equal length to all the servants of the merchant and said to them that the stick of the real thief will be longer by two inches tomorrow. All the servants should be present here again tomorrow with heir sticks.
All the servants went to their homes and gathered again at the same place the next day. Birbal asked them to show him their sticks. One of the servants had his stick shorter by two inches. Birbal said, “This is your thief, merchant.”
Later the merchant asked Birbal, “How did you catch him?” Birbal said, “The thief had already cut his stick short by two inches in the night fearing that his stick will be longer by two inches by morning.”
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Bob and Jim are walking to services.
Bob asks, “I wonder whether it would be all right to smoke while praying?”
“Why don’t you ask the rabbi?” says Jim.
Bob sees the Rabbi and asks, “Rabbi, is it permissible for me to smoke while I pray?”
“No, you may not. That’s utterly disrespectful to our tradition!” answers the rabbi.
Bob goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Rabbi told him.
“I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”
Jim goes over to the Rabbi and asks, “Rabbi, would it be ok if I prayed while I smoke?”
To which the Rabbi eagerly replies, “By all means, my good man. By all means.”
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A woman finds Aladdin’s magic lamp.
She starts rubbing it, and a Genie comes out as usual. The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:
– I want my husband to have eyes only for me.
– I want to be the only one in his life.
– I want him to always sleep by my side.
– I want it so that when he gets up in the morning, I’m the first thing he grabs and takes me everywhere he goes.
The Genie turned her into a Smart Phone….!!!
