Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining about severe abdominal pains.
We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain.
My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.
I turned to my husband and asked, “Would you like me to call the funeral home now?”
With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, “Honey, he’s not that sick!”
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Margaret was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.
She went to the undertaker’s to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment.
Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she managed to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She said to the undertaker “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?”
“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit,” the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the man.
He continued, “After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”
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A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work.
As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
“We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend.
“I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?”
“Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, three doctors are there already!”
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Two doctors, Dean and Gable, are treating a man with lung disease.
They’re explaining how his sm.o.king w*d has led to his condition worsening.
“But it’s just herbal!” the patient protested. “How can it be bad?” Dr. Jenkins sighed.
“Nature isn’t all innocent. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden – if you sit under it for just 5 minutes, you will die. Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s safe for you!”
The man seemed to accept that, and promised to stop his smoking.
After he left, the doctors went to lunch. As they were sitting down to eat, Dr. Smith asked, “Oh by the way, what IS that plant that kills you if you sit under it?”
“A water lily.”
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A new miracle doctor was in town.
He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do except for Bhola, the town’s grouch.
So Bhola went to this ‘Miracle Doctor’ to prove that he wasn’t so miraculous.
He goes and tells the doctor, “Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can’t taste nothing, so what are you going to do?”
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tell Bhola, “What you need is jar number 43.”
“Jar number 43?”, Bhola wonders.
So the doctor leaves and after five minutes brings a jar and tells Bhola to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out, “This is Shit!” he yells.
“I just restored your sense of taste Bhola,” says the doctor.
So Bhola goes home very mad.
One month later, Bhola goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, “Doc,” he starts, “I can’t remember!”
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little. Then tells Bhola, “What you need is jar number 43…”
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Bhola fled the office.
