The telephone rings in the principal’s office at a school.
“Hello, this is Dunn Elementary,” answers the principal.
“Hi. Jimmy won’t be able to come to school all next week,” replies the voice.
“Well, what seems to be the problem with him?”
“We are all going on a family vacation,” says the voice, “I hope it is all right.”
“I guess that would be fine,” says the principal. “May I ask who is calling?”
“Sure. This is my father!”
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Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”
She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken..
She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, “Colonel Sanders”. Guess where I am now…
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A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked,
“Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”
The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”
With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”
The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial?”
“See,” said the father to his daughter. “That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch…”
The father dialed the number again. “Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the father.
“Now look here!” came the heated reply. “You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here. You’ve got lot of guts calling again!” The receiver slammed down hard.
The father turned to his daughter and said, “You see, that was anger. Now I’ll show you what exasperation means.”
He dialed the same number, and a violent voice roared, “Hello!”
The father calmly said, “Hello, this is Melvin! Have there been any calls for me?”
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Three house pets – a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat – all die and go to heaven.
As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven. God turns to the dog and says “The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate principles? What do you believe in?”
The dog says “I believe in loyalty, companionship, and love. I have been a cherished part of my owner’s family for many years.”
God smiles. “Truly, you have a pure and loving heart. You shall sit at my right hand.”
He then turns to the parakeet. “What do you believe in?”
“I believe in color, flamboyance, and music,” the parakeet says. “For many years I have displayed my beautiful feathers and filled my owner’s house with song.”
“Your beauty is truly magnificent,” God says. “And your song shall echo through the universe. You shall sit at my left.”
God finally turns to the house cat. “And you, majestic little predator, what do you believe in?”
The cat lazily surveys God’s throne and says, “I believe you are in my seat.”
