The teacher advised the class that they start each day with the pledge of Allegiance and instructed them to put their right hand over their hearts and repeat after her.
As she starts the recitation, she looks around the room, “I pledge allegiance to the flag…” When her eyes fell on Johnny, she found he had his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks.
“Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart.”
Johnny replied, “But it is over my heart.”
After several attempts to get Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, “Why do you think that is your heart?”
“‘Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up and pats me here and says, ‘Bless your little heart,’ and my Grandma wouldn’t lie!”
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Little Johnny was at the mall with his mother when a man came walking toward them.
Little Johnny hopped up and down, laughed, pointed, and screamed, “Mommy! Look at that bowlegged man!”
His mother was so embarrassed. “Johnny, your manners are atrocious! You need some culture, young man!”
For the next month Little Johnny was forced to read Shakespeare every night. When his detention was finally over, she again took him to the same mall and sure enough, the same bowlegged man came walking toward them.
Had Little Johnny learned anything from the great bard? Yes.
This time, as the man approached, Little Johnny cried out, “Hark! What manner of man is this me sees, who wears his balls in parentheses?”
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So one day, Grandma sent her grandson Little Johnny down to the waterhole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma’s kitchen.
“Well now, where’s my bucket and where’s my water?” Grandma asked him.
“I can’t get any water from that water hole, Grandma” exclaimed Johnny. “There’s a BIG ol’ alligator down there!”
“Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Johnny. He’s been there for a few years now, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”
“Well, Grandma,” replied Johnny, “if he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”
