In an airport boarding area, they announced that the flight was overbooked.
The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they’d give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first-class seat on the plane leaving an hour later.
About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer.
About 15 seconds later, all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter announced:
“If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who’d like to volunteer, please step forward.”
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An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles.
The weather in New York was too bad to allow his usual on-time departure.
The weather in New York finally cleared, and the pilot requested his departure clearance. He was very dismayed to hear that he had another delay due to the increased traffic now leaving New York.
Sometime later, he finally received his clearance and decided he would try to make up the time lost by asking for a direct route to Los Angeles. Halfway across the country, he was told to turn due South. Knowing that this turn would now throw him further behind schedule, he inquired, quite agitated, of the controller for the reason for the turn off course. The controller replied that the turn was for noise abatement.
The pilot was infuriated and said to the controller, “Look, buddy, I am already way behind schedule with all the delays you guys have given me today. I really don’t see how I could be causing a noise problem for pedestrians when I am over 6 miles above the earth!”
The controller answered in a calm voice, “Apparently, Captain, you have never heard two 747’s collide!”
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A plane takes off with two hours delay.
Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:
“Why did we take off so late?”
To which the flight attendant replies:
“Well, the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane.”
