A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motorbikes still parked out the front.
He goes round the back of the pub only to find two bikies, one with his fingers up the bum of the other.
“So what’s going on here?” he asks.
The bikie replies, “My mate here has had too much to drink, and I’m trying to make him vomit.”
The cop says, “I think you should be sticking your fingers down his THROAT!”
The bikie replies, “That’s what I’m going to do next!”
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A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat.
He says to the barman, “Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please”.
The barman says, “Wow, that’s amazing! You should join the circus!”
The dog replies, “Why? Do they need electricians?”
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A conversation heard at a local pub:
“Gee, Sam, I wish you were here with me.”
“But Tom, I am. Look, see, I’m right in front of you.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“Can prove you’re not. Bet you $5.”
“You’re on.”
“You’re not in New York City, are you?”
“That’s true.”
“And you’re not in Montreal.”
“Can’t argue with you there.”
“And you are definitely not in Paris.”
“Nope.”
“If you’re not in New York City, Montreal, or Paris, then you must be someplace else.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.”
“Well, if you’re someplace else, you can’t be here. So pay up, let’s have the $5.”
“Can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not here.”
