Joe sets up Bob to go on a blind date with a friend of his.
But Bob is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.
“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Bob, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”
“Don’t worry,” Joe says. “Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack.”
So that night, Bob knocks at Mia’s door, and when she comes out, he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. Bob’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, “Aaauuuggghhh!”
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After four years of separation, a man and his wife finally divorced amicably.
He wanted to date again, but he had no idea of how to start, so he decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper.
After reading through all the listings, he circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but he put off calling them.
Two days later, there was a message on his answering machine from his ex-wife:
“I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don’t call the one in the second column. It’s me.”
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A guy who had forgotten the dates for a number
of his friends’ and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.
He went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job but had no luck at the first few. Finally, he found one where the clerk seemed experienced.
“Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?” the guy asked.
“Have you tried a wife?” the clerk responded.
