During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
“You simpleton!” the officer barked. “Don’t you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?”
“Yes, sir,” the soldier answered apologetically. “But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg, and I heard the one say, ‘Let’s eat one now and save the other until winter’ – that did it.”
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Allan retired in his early 50’s and started a second career.
However, even though he loved his new job, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker and really sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day, his boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Allan, I must tell you, I truly like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but being late for work nearly every day is quite annoying to me as well as your fellow workers.”
Allan replied, “Yes, sir, I know. I’m sorry, but I am working on it.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” his boss said. “However, the fact that you consistently come to work late does puzzle me, because I understand that you retired from the United States Air Force, and they have some pretty rigid rules about tardiness. Isn’t that correct?”
“Yes. I did retire from the Air Force, and I’m mighty proud of it!” said Allan.
“Well, what did they say when you came in late?” asked his boss.
“They said, ‘Good morning, General’.”
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General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army.
McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks: ‘So how are your men?’ ‘Very well-trained, Gen McKenzie!’
‘I hope so. My men over at the Navy are so well-trained that they’re the bravest of men in the whole country.’ ‘Well, my men are very brave, too.’ ‘I’d like to see that.’
So Marshall calls Private Cooper and says: ‘Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!’ ‘Are you crazy? I’m out of here!’
As Private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: ‘You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general.’
