Because they’ve spent all their cash on booze during a night on the town, Dave and Eric have no money for a taxi home.
Dave has a drunken idea. “Let’s steal a bus!”
He persuades Eric to break into the bus station. But 20 minutes later, Eric had failed to emerge.
Dave sticks his head round the door. “What on earth are you doing?”
“I can’t find a number seven anywhere,” says a distressed Eric.
“You idiot,” shouts Dave, shaking his head in disbelief. “Just steal a number nine. We can get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way.”
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My uncle once spent days looking for his new hat.
Finally, he decided that he’d go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back.
The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.
“Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind.”
The minister said, “Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach ‘Thou shall not steal,’ that changed your heart?”
My uncle responded, “No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat.”
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A woman had a problem with her closet door—it fell every time a bus passed, so she called a repair man.
The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out whenever a bus passes by.
“OK, I’m going to see what’s going on. Just close the door behind me,” he says as he steps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes home from work, opens the closet, and finds the repairman.
Husband: “What the hell are you doing here!”
Repairman: “Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!”
