The skydiving instructor was going through the question-and-answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question:
If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?
The jump master looked at him and, in perfect deadpan, answered: The rest of your life.
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I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity.
On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet.
“How do you know when you’re at 300 feet?” asked one woman.
“A good question,” replied the instructor. “At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
The woman thought about this for a while before saying, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
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Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddy bikers who worked as aircraft mechanics in Sydney.
It gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so they have nothing to do.
Bud said, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!”
Jim says, “Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?”
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hootch and got completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he felt GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It’s Jim.
Jim says, “Hey, how do you feel this morning?”
Bud says, “I feel great. How about you?”
Jim says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?”
Bud says, “No that jet fuel is great stuff — no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.”
“Yeah, well there’s just one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Have you farted yet?”
“No.”
“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in Melbourne.”
