A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,
“I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife, “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.”
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It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Maddy decided to go look for a Christmas Tree.
They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Maddy brushes off the first tree, and stands back with Paddy to look at it.
“Well, Paddy, What do you think?”
“Sorry, Maddy, this tree won’t do. Let’s try another one”.
They come upon another nice tree, Shaun brushes it off, and they both look at it.
“How about this one, Paddy?”
“Not quite, Maddy. Let’s keep looking”.
This goes on until nightfall. Both Paddy and Maddy are cold, tired, and hungry.
“Well, Paddy, what do we do now?”
“Maddy, I think we should take home the next tree we find, whether it has lights on it or not…”
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A woman is being hounded by her family to put up Christmas decorations, so she heads to the local store in search of Christmas lights.
Upon arrival, the store assistant shows the woman the top brand of Christmas lights.
“These are our top selling Christmas lights this year,” he tells her.
“That’s great, but I need to make sure every light bulb works before I make a purchase,” she demands. “Please plug them in so I can see.”
The store assistant opens the box, untangles the lights and plugs them in. To the customer’s delight, every colourful bulb lights up.
The man behind the counter unplugs the lights and carefully places them back in the box. He then goes to scan the item before the lady starts kicking off.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” she says. “I don’t want this box. I want one that hasn’t been opened.”
