A young blonde pilot is beginning flying lessons and is in a two-seater airplane with just the instructor pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. The frantic young blonde pilot calls out a May Day.
“May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My instructor pilot had a heart attack and is dead, and I don’t know how to fly. I’m just learning to be a pilot. Help me! Please help me!”
She hears a voice over the radio saying, “This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Is the plane flying level? Is the instructor pilot strapped in his seat? Just give me your height and position.”
She says, “I’m 5’4″ and I’m in the front seat.”
(After a long pause)
“O.K.” says the voice on the radio… Now, repeat after me: ‘Our Father Who art in Heaven’…”
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A plane takes off with two hours delay.
Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:
“Why did we take off so late?”
To which the flight attendant replies:
“Well, the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane.”
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A fighter pilot finishes refueling from a refueling plane.
The fighter pilot, feeling superior, gets on the radio and tells the refueling pilot to watch this.
The fighter pilot goes through an array of aerial acrobatics. Tight twists, loops, and s-curves. He gets back on the radio and tells the refueling pilot he must be jealous because his plane can’t do that.
The refueling pilot says, “Oh yeah, watch this!”
For the next 10 minutes the refueling plane flew straight as an arrow. Then the pilot got on the radio and said, “Did you see that?”
The fighter pilot, confused, said, “You just flew straight. That’s not fun.”
The refueling pilot said, “No, I got up and went to the bathroom and grabbed my steak off the stove and had dinner.”
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[first day as a pilot]
Control tower: What are your coordinates?
Me: I’m by a cloud that looks like a lion.
Control tower: Can you be more specific?
Me: Simba.
