Several men are sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
After a round, showering, and getting changed for the 19th hole.
Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H – Husband, W – Wife)
H – “Hello?”
W – “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
H – “Yes.”
W – “Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
H – “What’s the price?”
W – “Only $1,000.”
H – “Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
W – “Ah, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2019 models. I saw one I liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
H – “What price did he quote you?”
W – “Only $1,65,000…”
H – “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
W – “Great! But before we hang up, something else…”
H – “What?”
W – “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property.”
H – “How much are they asking?”
W – “Only $14,50,000 — a magnificent price… and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
H – “Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $14,20,000. OK?”
W – “OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! You’re the best Husband in the world. I love you!!!”
H – “Bye… I love you too…”
The man hangs up & closes the phone’s flap.
The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.
The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks: “Does anyone know who this Cell phone belongs to … ???”
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Sobbing uncontrollably, a woman called her husband’s lifelong golfing buddy.
“What’s the matter ?” asked the friend.
“It’s Sam,” she said. “I don’t know where I went wrong.”
“What do you mean ?”
“I was cleaning out Sam’s closet,” the wife explained,” and I found several boxes with miniskirt blouses and pantyhose in them.”
“So?”
“But they aren’t mine and when I asked Sam about them, he told me they were his.”
“There’s nothing to get upset about,” the friend assured her. “Everybody knows that Sam will do any thing to be able to hit from the ladies’ tee.”
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A couple of old fraternity brothers, Skip and Chip, now in their 40’s, would meet after work every week at their country club for a tennis game while their wives, Babs and Poopsy, played golf.
On this particular day, the boys were in the locker room changing out of their business suits into their tennis clothes when Skip removed his shirt. Chip noticed that Skip was wearing a brassiere.
“Ahhh, Skip”, said Chip, “if you tell me it’s none of my business, I’ll respect that, but I’m really curious to know how long you’ve been wearing a bra.”
“Since last Thursday,” Skip replied. “That’s when Babs found it in my glove compartment.”
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A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.
“Oh, well, never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained.
“She was a communications major in college, and I majored in theatre arts.”
He continued, “She communicates well, and I act like I’m listening.”
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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Walmart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies.
“Put them back, we can’t afford them,” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.
Her husband retorts, “So does 24 cans of Budweiser, and it’s half the price.”
He never knew what hit him.
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Wife was in the ICU.
The husband was unable to control his tears.
Doctor: “We are trying our best but can’t guarantee anything. Her body is not reacting. It seems she is in a coma.”
Husband: “Doctor, please save her. She is just 30 years old and the family needs her.”
Suddenly something happened. Miraculously the ECG started beeping like crazy.
A hand moved, her lips mumbled and she spoke, “Darling, I’m 29, not 30…”
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Husband and wife went shopping to get new dresses for the wife.
After seeing numerous dresses, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25. Out of these, she asked her husband to choose 5 dresses among them. Then she finally picked up one dress. It took 5 hours to finalise one dress.
The husband settled the bill and commented, “Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.”
Ultimate comment of wife, “Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky… you have to just sit in AC shop…”
Moral: Never argue with a woman while shopping.
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Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300-yard tee shot straight down the fairway.
Sam said, ‘Wow, I have never seen you play this well before!’
‘I took lessons.’ Says Rachel.
A couple of days later, on the tennis court in mixed doubles, she smashes her serves and never misses a point. Sam said to her: ‘Whoa, I have never seen you hit so well before!’
‘I took lessons.’ Says Rachel.
On the weekend, they settled into a nice dinner at home. Rachel brings out the perfect plates of Beef Wellington, and Sam says, ‘Delicious! I have never seen you cook like this before!’
‘I took lessons.’ Says Rachel.
After dinner, she gives him THAT look and they go upstairs.
About 30 minutes later, Sam rolls over and says, ‘Wow! That was incredible, amazing, so hot… I want a divorce.’
