A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along.
Pizza thought, “Ok. I’ll let him pass, there’s no hurry.”
Two minutes later another whiskey comes by and pizza let him pass too, but two minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stopped him, “What’s going on out there?” it asked.
“Why, there’s a party going on!! It’s great! They’re having the most fun!!!” the whiskey replied.
And pizza said, “Great, I’ll go check it out!”
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Paddy, suffering from a severe toothache, finally got up enough nerve to visit his dentist, but lost it again when he was about to get into the chair.
The dentist told his assistant to give Paddy a shot of whiskey kept on hand for just such circumstances as this.
“Ye got your courage back now?” the dentist asked.
“No!” replied Paddy.
So a second shot was brought, then a third.
“Now have ye got your courage?” asked the dentist.
“You’re damn right!” Paddy said, squaring his shoulders. “I’d like to see the bastard who’d dare to touch my teeth now!”
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Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet $20 he won’t.”
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”
Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did, too, But I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money.
