A man was in bad shape.
He constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn’t give him long to live.
He decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen.
The clerk said, “Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen.”
The man said, “I know my size. I want them in a fourteen.”
The clerk said, “I’ll get them for you, but I want to warn you… if you wear a fourteen you’ll gasp all day and your eyes will bulge.”
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Oliver`s wife, Amelia, and kids all came down with the flu.
Upon returning home from the pediatrician`s office with his four kids, he turned his attention to his ailing wife.
After preparing some chicken soup for her, he picked up the phone to call her doctor.
The receptionist picked up and he related the situation to her. She then told him that the office was going to be closed for a couple of days, but that his wife could have an appointment in 3 days.
Oliver went ballistic and yelled into the phone, “Three days?! The doctor can`t see her for three days?! She could be dead by then!”
Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, “If so, would you please call to cancel the appointment?”
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Two doctors, Dean and Gable, are treating a man with lung disease.
They’re explaining how his sm.o.king w*d has led to his condition worsening.
“But it’s just herbal!” the patient protested. “How can it be bad?” Dr. Jenkins sighed.
“Nature isn’t all innocent. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden – if you sit under it for just 5 minutes, you will die. Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s safe for you!”
The man seemed to accept that, and promised to stop his smoking.
After he left, the doctors went to lunch. As they were sitting down to eat, Dr. Smith asked, “Oh by the way, what IS that plant that kills you if you sit under it?”
“A water lily.”
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Doctor Simon is known throughout London as one of the best consultants on arthritis.
He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment.
One day, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is found for her. Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simon’s office.
15 minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, she comes briskly out of his room walking almost upright. She is holding her head high and has a smile on her face.
A woman in the waiting room says, “It’s unbelievable, a miracle even. You walk in bent in half and now you walk out erect. What a fantastic doctor he is. Tell me, what did Doctor Simon do to you?”
“Miracle, shmiracle, he just gave me a longer walking stick.”
