Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
“Kneeling is definitely best,” claimed one.
“No,” another contended. “I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.”
“You’re both wrong,” the third insisted. “The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor.”
The repairman could contain himself no longer.
“Gentlemen,” he interrupted, “the best praying I ever did was hanging upside down from a telephone pole.”
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A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director
to hold a graveside burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.
The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.
Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: “I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain’t never seen anything like that.”
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A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.
“How much do you want for the mower?” asked the preacher.
“I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle.” said the little boy.
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, “Will you take my bike in trade for it?”
The little boy asked if he could try it out first. He told the preacher he hadn’t ridden a bicycle in a long time and wasn’t sure he could still ride one.
The preacher told him, “Just keep trying. It’ll come back to you.”
After riding the bike around a little while, the little boy said, “Mister, you’ve got yourself a deal.”
The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.
The preacher called the little boy over and said, “I can’t get this mower to start.”
The little boy said, “That’s because you have to c*ss at it to get it started.”
The preacher said, “I can’t cuss. It’s been so long since I became a Christian that I don’t even remember how to c*ss.”
The little boy looked at him happily and said, “You just keep pulling on that rope. It’ll come back to you.”
