A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini.
This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, “What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink.” So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can’t believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.
So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he’s standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, “Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything.”
So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn’t say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can’t take it anymore.
“You know,” he says to the gorilla, “we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”
And the gorilla says, “At nineteen dollars a drink I’m not surprised.”
A man comes home late one night, drunk.
“Where have you been?” asks his wife.
“In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!”
This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.
“Do you have golden chairs?” “Yes.”
“Do you have golden glasses?” “Yes.”
“Do you have golden beer?” “Yes.”
“Do you have a golden urinal?” “Hold on.”
On the other end, she hears “I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone.”
There were three men at a bar.
One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.
The next day the man went before the judge.
The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?”
The man said, “Here and there.”
The judge asked the man, “What do you do for a living?”
The man said, “This and that.”
The judge then said, “Take him away.”
The man said, “Wait, judge when will I get out?”
The judge said to the man, “Sooner or later.”
