A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant.
He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.
“No, thanks,” says the plant manager. “I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn’t like it.”
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.
“No, thanks,” the plant manager replies. “You know, I tried alcohol once, but didn’t like it.
Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course.
“I suppose you play golf,” says the salesman. “I’d like to invite you to be a guest at my club.”
“That’s kind of you, but no, thanks,” the manager says. “I played golf once, but I didn’t like it.”
Just then a young man enters the office.
“Let me introduce my son, Mike,” says the plant manager.
“Let me guess,” the salesman replies. “An only child?”
Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying.
“Why are you crying?” asked the other child.
“I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger.”
When he heard this, the other child started to cry.
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m here for a urine test.”
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist,
“You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.”
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?”
“Yes”, the boy’s mother answered.
“And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked.
“Who cares?” the mother replied.
An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children.
The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, “Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?”
