An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class:
“Anyone knows the formula for water?”
“Sure. That’s easy,” said one man.
“What is it?”
“H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.”
“What, what?” reasked the instructor.
“H to O,” explained the chemistry expert.
John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of chicken, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”
His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get ’em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!”
For lunch, the old man made cheeseburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as they appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg, so he asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up, the old man said, “I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.
John yelled and said, “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me get to my car.”
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, “Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!”
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army.
McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKenzie asks: ‘So how are your men?’ ‘Very well-trained, Gen McKenzie!’
‘I hope so. My men over at the Navy are so well-trained that they’re the bravest of men in the whole country.’ ‘Well, my men are very brave, too.’ ‘I’d like to see that.’
So Marshall calls Private Cooper and says: ‘Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!’ ‘Are you crazy? I’m out of here!’
As Private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said: ‘You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general.’
A new general was allotted to a new army base.
After some time in the base he realized how there were two army men guarding an empty bench in shifts. He asked his colleagues and his juniors what it was all about.
A colleague said “I don’t know but it’s been a tradition here since joined 35 years ago.”
The general confused as he was went through the past generals of that base till he found the one that was in charge 35 years ago.
He attempted to find him, and found that he had retired and he lived in the countryside now. He contacted him and requested to meet.
On the day of the meeting the general asked the retired commander why that bench was guarded so much. The commander was shocked.
“So you’re telling me the paint on that bench hasn’t dried yet?!”
