At a local coffee bar,
a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
“The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!”
An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Honey, if that’s all you want, get a TV!”
A 5-year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day.
She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture.
At one point, she looked up and asked: “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”
Grandma replied: “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”
Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little girl heard the doorbell ring so she hurried to open the front door. When she opened the door, there stood Grandma’s minister.
The minister said: “Hello young lady. Is your grandma home?”
The little girl replied: “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom bangin’ her boyfriend.”
A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?
Replied the gentleman, “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman… I guess I’ve been looking for the perfect girl.”
“Oh, come on now,” said the friend, “Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry.”
“Yes, there was a girl… once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything… I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me.”
“Well, why didn’t you marry her,” asked the friend.
“Unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect man.”
A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate:
“I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities.”
Back came the answer: “Marry a penguin.”
