Two lazy bones are fast asleep.
A thief comes in, pulls the blanket from the bed, and makes off with it.
One of them is aware of what happened and says to the other, ‘Get up! Go after the guy who stole our blanket!’
The other responds, ‘Forget it. When he comes back to take the mattress, let’s grab him then.’
The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said: “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man.
“Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the man leans over, wakes the woman, and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could get me another blanket?”
The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, ” I have a better idea, just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”
The man says happily, “OK!” AWESOME!”
The woman says, “GOOD …. get your darn blanket!!!”
A blond becomes overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor.”
“No, from skipping everywhere.”
