A guy is sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half an hour. Soon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand seeing a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I’m late to the office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.”
“The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar.”
“And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you showed up and drank my poison.”
Bob went over to his friend Joe’s house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife.
He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking, and showered her with hugs and kisses.
“Gee,” Bob remarked later, “you make a big fuss over your wife”.
“I started to appreciate her more about six months ago,” Joe said. “It has revived our marriage and we couldn’t be happier.”
Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her, and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears.
“Honey,” Bob said, “what’s the matter?”.
“This has been the worst day,” she replied. “This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk!“.
Two drunks are walking along.
One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night, look at the moon.”
The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. “You’re wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.”
They began to argue when they came upon another drunk. They asked, “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining.
Is it the moon or the sun?”
The third drunk looked at the sky and said, “Sorry, I don’t live around here.”
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet $20 he won’t.”
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”
Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did, too, But I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money.
