One day a blond walks into a doctor’s office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asks her what had happened. She says, “Well… when I was ironing my work suit, the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron, instead of the phone.
“Well, that explains one ear, but what about the other?”
“The idiot called again!”
A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on.
She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut.
She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones.
The stylist replied refusing to cut her hair, so she left.
She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing.
This time, the stylist agreed to cut her hair.
After a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair.
To wake her, the stylist took off the headphones.
The blond immediately fell on the floor, flopped and died.
Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones.
They were saying: “breath in, breath out.”
A blonde holding a baby walks into a drug store
and asks the clerk if she can use the stores baby scale.
“Sorry, ma’am,” says the clerk. “Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.”
“Oh, that won’t work,” says the blonde.
“Why not?” asks the clerk.
“Because,” she answers, “I’m not the mother – I’m the aunt.”
There was a beautiful, young girl at a soda machine in Vegas,
and she arrived there just before a businessman coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine for a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached into her purse again, pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put them in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the businessman, who’d been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. “Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?”
She looked at him and indignantly asked,
“Well, can’t you see I’m still winning?”
