A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?
Replied the gentleman, “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman… I guess I’ve been looking for the perfect girl.”
“Oh, come on now,” said the friend, “Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry.”
“Yes, there was a girl… once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything… I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me.”
“Well, why didn’t you marry her,” asked the friend.
“Unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect man.”
An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted an attractive young lady.
He asked a nearby trainer, “What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?”
The trainer looked him up and down and said, “I would try the ATM in the lobby.”
A newly married couple
was having breakfast at their new apartment when the next door neighbour hung out laundry that appeared to still be dirty.
The new wife commented to her husband that their neighbour did not how to properly do laundry, how to put in correct amount of bleach. detergent, etc. She made this comment every Monday for the next month.
Finally, one day, the neighbour’s wash appeared to be perfectly clean. The new wife commented on this and said the whole load looked really good.
The husband then replied, “Honey, I got up early today and washed our windows.”
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital.
He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, “All right, who’s the other father!?”
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.
In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?”
The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, ” I have a better idea, just for tonight, let’s make pretend that were married.”
The man says happily, “OK!” AWESOME!”
The woman says, “GOOD …. get your own darn blanket!!!”
