An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”
“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor…”
One day two girls were trying out for the school cheerleading squad. One was a blonde and the other was a brunette.
After they both had tryouts, they went home to wait until the results were posted.
The blonde went to see if she had made it that night.
Once she found out she had made it, she got out her cell phone and called the brunette, but she didn’t answer, so the blonde just went back home.
The next day the brunette called the blonde to see if she wanted to go with her to look at their scores.
The blonde agrees and meets the brunette at the school.
The brunette beats the blonde to the school, so she goes ahead and looks at the scores to find out they both had made it.
When the blonde gets there, she finds her name on the list again. Then she says, “Yes! I made it again, I made it last night and I made it again today. I am on a roll!”
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?”
Bob said, “You know, I bet he’ll jump.”
The blonde replied, “Well, I bet $20 he won’t.”
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, “You’re on!”
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.”
Bob replied, “I can’t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.”
The blonde replied, “I did, too, But I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Bob took the money.
Civil Servant
A civil servant is badly hurt, after falling down the stairs at city hall. He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for several days.
Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him, “My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you’ll never be able to work again.”
“Okay,” muttered the injured bureaucrat. “What’s the bad news?”
