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Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands.

The first woman says, “Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn’t there!”

“I know!” the next woman says, “Last night my husband said he was going to his brother’s house, but when I called he wasn’t there.”

The third woman says, “I always know where my husband is.”

“Impossible!” both women exclaim, “He has you completely fooled!”

“Oh no,” says the woman. “I’m a widow.”

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Mary went to see a psychiatrist about her husband Bob (he wouldn’t go with her).

“Doctor, my husband has this problem. Almost every night now, he’s dreaming he’s a refrigerator!”

“My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of people dream that they are somebody or something unusual…”

Mary leans forward as she softly whispers this confidence, “But you see, doctor, it is also a problem for me! Bob sleeps with his mouth open, and his little light keeps me awake!”

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A young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door.

The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm.

“Heavens,” she cried, “it’s my husband! Quick, jump out the window.”

The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the window, then demurred. “I can’t,” he said, “we’re on the thirteenth floor.”

“For heaven’s sake,” cried the young lady in exasperation, “is this a time to be superstitious?”

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I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks.

My mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman.

“Mom, what’s this?” I asked.

“Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat,” she answered.

“Is it working?” I asked.

“Yes and no,” she explained. “I’ve lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!”

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Jealous husband to his wife: Honey where are you?

Wife: I’m home.

Jealous husband: Are you sure?

Wife: Of course I am sure.

Jealous husband: OK then, turn on the blender.

Wife: Oh, OK! (turns the blender on) reeereereee.

Jealous husband: Oh, fine then honey. See you later, bye.

Another day, the husband to his wife: Honey where are you?

Wife: I’m home.

Jealous husband: Are you sure?

Wife: Yes I am!

Jealous husband: Turn on the blender again.

Wife: Ohh… (turns on blender) reereereee.

Jealous husband: OK, bye love, see you later.

The next day, the jealous husband decides not to call but instead go home without any notice. He finds his daughter home alone, and the jealous husband asks her: “Honey, where is your mommy?’

Daughter: Oh, I don’t know daddy, she went out and took the blender with her.