Two Russian hunters meet.
“I shot a gigantic bear yesterday,” says Ivan. “Look at the hide!”
“How do you find such huge bears?” Sergei asks.
“Easy,” says Ivan. “You stand in front of a cave and whistle. When the bear comes out, you shoot.”
Weeks later the two meet again. Sergei is covered in bandages.
“Didn’t you follow my advice?” Ivan asks.
“Sure, I did. I stood, in front of a cave and whistled,” Sergei replies.
“And what came out?”
“The Trans-Siberian Express.”
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said the hunter-husband. “That lion got himself into this mess; let him get himself out of it.”
Two avid hunters take a hunter’s safety class in which they learn that the universal signal for an emergency is three s.h.ots in the air.
Sure enough, on their next hunting trip the two men get lost.
One says to the other, “What shall we do?”
The other says, I know fire three s.h.ots in the air and someone may come to find us.
He fires off three s.h.ots, and they wait two hours. No sign of help.
What shall we do? Fire off three more s.h.ots. So he does. Three hours later there is no response and it is getting dark. The one says “Shall we try again?”
The other says, “I guess not… I only have two arrows left…”
